Laugh, I Nearly Died
by Xstrawberry0fieldsforeverX
Summary: It was easiest just to say that ‘home’ was wherever your guitar was. Drabble. Post WIFLTBAG.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing... If I did... well... I wouldn't be typing this right now.**

**Laugh, I Nearly Died is property of the Rolling Stones.**_

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_"But maybe when I get out we could-"_

"_No. Goodbye, Craig."_

He deserved it. He knew he deserved it more than anything else. But it didn't change the impact of those words; the cold look she gave him, tears glistening in her dull hazel eyes. A look that clearly said "I'm done with you."

_**I've been travelling but I don't know where  
I've been missing you but you just don't care  
And I've been wandering, I've seen Greece and Rome  
Lost in the wilderness, so far from home  
Yeah, yeah**_

The 'I'm done with you' look wasn't something new to him. He seemed to have been getting it from everyone lately: Ashley, Ellie, Manny, Mr. Simpson, even Joey. Once again, he had to remind himself that he probably deserved those words. But perhaps…perhaps they understood him less than he thought they did. Maybe they had just changed.

_**I've been to Africa, looking for my soul  
And I feel like an actor looking for a role  
I've been in Arabia, I've seen a million stars  
Been sipping champagne on the boulevards – yes**_

Everything…everyone was changing. He was the only one that had stayed the same. He left expecting to fulfill his dream of becoming some 'big shot rock star' guy whom would be proud of. He left expecting his old crowd of friends to be cheering him on from Toronto. But when he came back, it was as if his departure had been permanent. They no longer seemed to need him. Joey had moved, Ellie had moved on. The most he felt he got out of visiting his friends was a half-hearted 'Congrats with the music, buddy'.

_**I'm so sick and tired  
Trying to turn the tide, yeah  
So I'll say my goodbye  
Laugh, laugh  
I nearly died**_

His little boost before a show became more and more of a need. No one was cheering him on anymore: at least not the people that mattered.

_**I've been down to India, but it froze my bones  
I'm living for the city, but I'm all alone  
I've been travelling, but I don't know where  
I've been wandering, but I just don't care**_

"Buddy, we're closing soon." The young man looked up, startled as the bartender's voice broke his trail of thoughts. Craig nodded, gathering his sad amount of belongings, making his way towards the door. It had been twelve days since he walked out of the rehab center, 40 since he had left Joey's. It had been even longer, 45 days almost, since the last cheer died in his small crowd of friends back home.

_  
**I hate to be denied  
How you hurt my pride  
I feel pushed aside  
But laugh, laugh, laugh  
I nearly died**_

But what exactly was home? Craig had told Ellie that to a musician, home was wherever your guitar was. His guitar was with him, yet he did not call sitting at a bar until 2am 'home'. Ellie had believed that home was where your friends and family were. His family moved out of Toronto months ago. And his friends… He wasn't sure they wanted him back after what had happened. So, in a sense, it was like Craig had no home. He wasn't sure if he ever had one in the first place.

_**Been travelling far and wide  
Wondering who's going to be my guide  
**_

Because nobody wanted him. Joey was disappointed in him. His friends would most likely shun him for his behavior towards Ellie and Manny, and because after all they'd been through, he ended up doing coke. Ellie, Manny, and Ashley all thought he had problems. Hell, he'd always had problems. It just took some of them longer to figure out that he was a lost cause.

_**Living in a fantasy but it's way too far  
But this kind of loneliness is way too hard  
I've been wandering, feeling all alone  
I lost my direction and I lost my home...Well**_

"Congrats, Ash. Looks like you won that one," he muttered bitterly to himself as he exited the bar, shivering slightly at the brisk January air. Craig zipped up the leather jacket, hoping it would help against the harsh winds. Maybe he would stay at a motel tonight. Not that it mattered.

_**I'm so sick and tired  
Now I'm on the side  
Feeling so despised  
When you laugh, laugh  
I almost died**_

"Can't really stay on the streets, can I?" He laughed bitterly, remembering the last time he had ended up on the streets. But in a way, he wished he could go back to that time. He hadn't disappointed Joey too much then. He still felt wanted. There was still hope held that Ashley would be back for him.

_**(Been travelling far and wide  
Wondering who's going to be my guide) **_

I hurt my pride, hurt my pride, hurt my pride (Been travelling far and wide)  
Been travelling, yeah

But going back was never an option. Craig was alone on this now. There was no one to tell him he was crazy for being outside in the middle of the night in late January. There was no one to be concerned that he hadn't taken his meds in days. He'd failed everyone, including himself, and there was no reason for him to go back to rehab, to Joey's, or even back home. The young man chuckled slightly. There was that word 'home' again. It never made any sense to him. Maybe it never would.

Craig shifted the case to his Fender Strat to the opposite hand. It was easiest just to say that 'home' was wherever your guitar was.

**(Been travelling far and wide  
Wondering who's going to be my guide) **

(Been travelling far and wide)

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**A/n: So... What do you think? Kind of random and stuff... but I'm tired of all the 'Craig's a huge asshole' things... I mean, he kind of was... But sometimes you need to think about his reasons for doing coke in the first place... I always feel sorry for him anyway cause he's my favorite... (And come on... it's Jake Epstein :) )**


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